Step Five: Time is your best most valuable asset...

 

 

Spend it together.

Of course, you should make it a point to spend time with each of the children, individually. Making an effort to do something they enjoy will bridge the gap, and help you find common ground. It also helps to find fun activities that everyone can do together like going for ice-cream, visiting a park, or just playing outside.

But, this step refers to something even more difficult than that...spending time together as a couple. Unlike a first marriage, you are entering this new relationship with kids in tow. That means your focus is often on them. They often have you running in several directions, and by the end of the day you are both so tired, you are lucky to stay awake long enough to tell each other about your day. However, it is vital to the survival of your new family that you and your spouse stay strong, connected, and in sync. 

 

"How are we supposed to do that," you ask?

 

Take time off from the kids, and be a couple. After all, it was your love that created your new family, and your bond will serve as the glue to hold it together. You are not being selfish if you want time to yourselves. Having kids is exhausting, stressful work. Having step kids is even harder...you both deserve some time together, without changing diapers or guarding your food from tiny fingers, to remember what it was that made you deal with it all in the first place; your love for each other! We opted to turn our bedroom into a child free haven, with and commit to curling up in bed to read, chat, and watch movies. Then, every six months or so, we will take a weekend trip. Sometimes we only go about 30 minutes from home, stay in a hotel, get massages, and go shopping, but for those two glorious child-free days, we remember why we fell in love with each other, rather than spending our time dealing with tiny humans. We love our kids, but we also love each other, and both are equally important to the survival of our family. Besides, having something to look forward to makes the hard days more bearable!

Step-parenting will be one of the most challenging obstacles of your life, but it can also be one of the most rewarding, if you know where to start and where you are going. More importantly, you must understand that becoming a family is a journey, not a destination. As with any journey, the path to blended-family bliss begins with a single forward step.