Steps for Steps (continued)...Step 4

Step Four: Present a unified front.

As the foundation for your new family, you and your spouse must stand together.

No matter what challenges you face, together you should set goals, decide what will the rules be, and how to discipline. Once you have set the boundaries for the family, make them known to everyone. Your children will need to know what is expected of them, and the consequences for defying those expectations. In this new kingdom, you will rule together, and never question each other in front of the children...ever. Children, as sweet and cute as they are, are also smart and manipulative little creatures. They can spot the slights weakness in your ranks, and they will attack it!

My fiance and I agreed that we were both tired of feeling like the bad guy, so we did this through a democratic process. We got out a giant white board and asked the kids what the rules of the house were, and they blurted out everything they could think of. We added a few that they conveniently forgot to mention, and we all agreed on them together, eliminating the silly ones. Once we established the rules, we got to the fun part. We had the KIDS choose the consequences. They had some really good ideas; ten minutes in the quiet chair, 5 minutes in the corner, lose TV privileges for a day, and so on. Some of what they came up with was worse than we thought of! Once we agreed on a list of rules, and the consequences for breaking them, we managed to eliminate the role of "bad guy" from their vocabularies. Plus, when they go a whole day with no spins, they get to draw a prize card (none of which cost any money; story alone with mom, 15 minutes of videogame time, etc). Now, when they get in trouble (we call that "making a bad choice" in our house), they spin the wheel of consequences, and whatever it lands on, that is their punishment. The bad guy is a little plastic board game wheel, and we can even root for them if we feel generous! Nothing pleases me more then acting bummed with my kids when they get a bad spin...(as I laugh in my head). 

This is the actual wheel...forgive the picture, I took it with my phone! Email me if you are interested in instructions on how to make your own "Wheel of Consequences."