Step Two: Discuss finances and come up with a plan before you marry.
One of the most common causes for marital distress is arguments over money.
You and your new spouse will need to develop a plan of action in advance, to avoid falling victim to the money arguments. Keep in mind, if you are willing to commit yourself, your children, and your life to this person, you should not be afraid to ask those difficult questions. Where will you live; will you move into one parent’s home, or get a new home for the entire family? How will you handle finances; will you have joint accounts or separate? Who will work, will one of you stay home? Wait, how will you handle childcare, insurance, and medical bills?
I know what you are thinking; it sounds like a lot to take on. At first, it is, but it is vital to the success of your relationship and your family that all money matters be tackled before you walk down the aisle. You cannot just "figure it out later" and expect things to fall into place. So, make sure you are up front about any debts (medical bills, student loans, court fees, etc), child support or alimony orders, and financial obligations each of you has. You will recover from embarassment about having your first car repossessed when you lost your job flipping burgers, but if you lose the one you love for not coming clean, that is another story. Once you have the numbers, you can break it down, set up a budget together, and promise yourselves you will stick to it. If possible, try to set up a savings account. Trust me when I tell you that the more children you have, the more unexpected expenses pop up...
(Expenses like, hypothetically speaking, a five year old getting so excited about opening his birthday presents that he were to theoretically tip his chair back so far that he put it through a window in the middle of winter...not that that has ever happened...wink, wink)
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